For me to be inspired is a tricky thing. Mainly because I am always second-guessing myself. If you didn’t know, I am also an artist. Not a great artist, but one that does enjoy painting and occasionally drawing. Each time I have finished a piece, I happen to find something wrong with it or I just don’t like it altogether, though multiple people tell me how much they love my work.This also happens with my writing.

I have worked on other novels before, some that are still unfinished because I can’t get them just right. The thing that had first inspired me to paint, draw, or write would be gone or I had managed to change it from what it used to be. And a part of me can’t live with that fact gnawing at the back of my brain.

Whether it was a television show, a movie, a song, or an event which occurred during some point in my daily routine, if isn’t being displayed in the final product the way I had envisioned it then I always feel as if I have to go back and fix it.

With my writing, I will always be able to revise. With my artwork, I ‘m pretty much stuck. But with both, I can only do so much before I completely destroy the original piece and idea. Too much editing, revising, and tweaking can ruin the final picture.

Things will be off or, worse, I’ll regret making any of the unnecessary changes at all after realizing it didn’t need any to begin with.

I learned that this happens to many artists and, I assume, authors. No matter what people tell you and how often they tell you, you will always manage to see a flaw or never be impressed with your work.

This will always be an internal battle, so long as I keep judging myself so harshly. I can promise myself to ease up and relax, but the truth is I never will. And why should I? With every detail I keep in sync with the image or story I formed in my mind, people are happy.

Hopefully, I can come to terms with my personal judgement and appreciate my work as much as everyone else does.


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